Badfoodaholics Anonymous - "BA"...so you know how people go to "AA" meetings...they need to have meetings for people who have trouble with food! Well, alcoholics take each day by day. They don't tell themselves they will never drink again or even that they won't drink for a month - they say "I will not drink today,"I will get through today without picking up a drink" - well, that is what I have decided to do with my eating and medicine <-- I will talk about that in more detail soon. Also, alcoholics do not become sober on their own, they always have a Higher Power who helps them. Well, I asked God last night to help me. I asked Him for willpower because I cannot do this on my own...I just keep going in circles over and over and I am really wearing my body down and to think I AM 25 YEARS OLD AND I HAVE HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE!!!! I honestly feel like I am 65. I ache so much all the time! I use to be so active and now I struggle to get around and its miserable! These days I spend A LOT of time (and money) trying to lose weight - is it working? NO! I have tried body by vi, vegetarian, vegan, eat to live, live fit...and hardly any exercise! Matt quickly caught onto my cycle of try this diet for two weeks then try another for two weeks then another for two weeks....he started to say "So, what diet are we doing this week?" - I am sensitive, that's not something I like hearing! So I pray to my God, that He will give me the willpower and strength to get through each day - each day help me stay clean :)
Medicine - I am still addicted to caffeine and night time medicine (not every day and night though) - and ya know, I really started taking these once I moved in with Matt!!! And do you know what night time medicine does? MAKES ME HUNGRY - it makes me hungry for sweets and salts! I actually took Advil PM a little bit ago because I was cramping and I was wide awake and I really need to get sleep which I never can sleep good on my period - well, I am sitting here fighting with myself on whether to go get something to eat or just grab a bottle of water. Matt LOVES sweets and bread and chips and all things bad and I don't think I can get him to change that so obviously we have a lot of those types of foods in our house. I thought about trying to find a box with a lock on it where we can put all of those goodies in so that I can not get into them! I am currently on Effexor, mostly for anxiety, and I want to get off of it because I have realized that missing just ONE dose causes withdrawals and they are scary. I missed a dose the day before Thanksgiving which made my Thanksgiving not so great and I was very emotional. Then this past Monday I was so busy with school and work that I forgot to take it again and boy was I feeling it on Tuesday! I had Tuesday off THANK GOODNESS because I was completely non functional! I could hardly get out of bed and I was tearing up for no reason while laying in bed. I had exams to take and I couldn't because I was so out of if. I felt so numb and tingly like I had taken a whole bottle of Benedryl. It was AWFUL! That scares me. That little pill is so powerful. Well, I called my doctor on Thursday and asked her to wean me off of the medicine so she called in a smaller dose and said to take it every day for 2 weeks, then every other day for 2 weeks, then every third day for 2 weeks. She said that I may have sharp pains in my head so here I am today waiting for these sharp pains which I mean I had a headache but I wouldn't consider them a sharp pain. She also said I may feel dizzy and light headed so we shall see. I started the smaller dose today, well yesterday seeing that it is after midnight! I want to get off of everything! From prescriptions to OTC. My head/back/feet hurts, my first thought is 'hmmm acetaminophen or ibuprofen?' I have been trying to hold off on taking something and try to not think about it and sometimes the pain does seem to cease! I was like 'oh my back'...pop a pill. Same with 'oh I am tired and cannot fall asleep within the first couple of minutes'...I need a sleep aid. THIS IS NOT OKAY!!!!! I am addicted and I really need to quit. I have some form of caffeine every single day , whether it's in a drink, a pill, shot, etc...I need caffeineaholics anonymous! That will fall under the badfoodaholics anonymous for sure! "I will not have any caffeine today" - oh can you imagine the withdrawals with the effexor and the no caffeine - I don't know that I can do all that at the same time BUT I do plan to cut out all pills that have caffeine in them (pain relievers, various diet pills, diuretics, etc), drinks, and chocolate. I do have yerba mate tea though that I will probably start drinking and/or green tea! Earl Grey and English Breakfast are good too!
This is turned into a hefty little post now hasn't it!? :)
Why do I want to lose weight? Matt always tells me that I am beautiful and that I should not lose weight. Well, I want to feel comfortable in my body. I want to be able to go clothes shopping and be able to find SOMETHING that fits - I have the worst time with pants, especially work pants! I also want to feel better and be able to concentrate. I do not want to keep having bone and joint soreness. I want to have clearer skin! I want to fit into my wedding dress!!!!! I don't want to continue taking meds for my high blood pressure! When I become pregnant I want to eat healthy for the baby so I need to start NOW (not that I am pregnant!!!) I want to be faster at work. I don't want to be tired all the time anymore! I want natural ENERGY and energy that's going to last all day not just half of the day and then crash! I have heart disease on both sides of my family so it is crucial that I start NOW!
well, I need to be getting to bed now - I am going to post pictures of our pantry how it looks RIGHT NOW and our fridge and then once I clean everything out and reorganize and hide the bad foods then I will take another picture!
I hope everyone is cheerful and almost ready for the holidays! MERRY CHRISTMAS <3
Krista Marie
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